This is the biggest, most beautiful Ryder Cup ever. Already. Did you know that? Thatâ€s what people are saying. There has never been a bigger Ryder Cup in history. Tremendous crowds. Tremendous. The biggest crowds anyone has ever seen. Maybe the biggest crowds in the history of sport, I donâ€t know. But thatâ€s what they are saying. And the ratings. The whole world is watching, folks. And they canâ€t believe how good it is. They canâ€t believe it. Itâ€s so big, so beautiful, so classy. They say to me: “Mr President, how do you do it?†Other countries wish they had a tournament like this. But they donâ€t. Only here. Only here.
Now the crooked media is saying that it was chaos this morning, folks, total chaos, and theyâ€re just terrible. They are saying that the transport didnâ€t work and that the roads were gridlocked and everyone had to walk the last mile of highway just to get to the course and that all the other roads were shut and all you beautiful people were stuck outside in the huge queues so you couldnâ€t even get in to see the first tee shots after you had paid all that money for tickets. Hundreds and hundreds of dollars. Itâ€s fake news folks, let me tell you, itâ€s fake news, terrible, terrible, that people make this stuff up. Maybe weâ€ll have to do something about it.
Well, the Guardian was there, on foot, and yes, for all those of us who werenâ€t travelling by Air Force One it was goddamn bedlam. “I hope itâ€s chaos,†said Collin Morikawa on Tuesday. He got his wish. The shuttle buses moved so slowly that it would have been quicker if theyâ€d just let people use them as a corridor and walk off one and on to the next. After half an hour everyone gave up and got off. The problem was the route crossed the railway line in from New York City which meant that groups of people ended up sprinting around the barriers and across the tracks while the trains were bearing down on them, blowing horns to scare them out the way.
One train driver actually stuck his head out the window and screamed at the people scattering either side of the tracks: “You idiots could have been killed!†Up at the course hundreds of staff who were supposed to be working inside were being routed in with the public, who were arranged in a disorderly queue that stretched further than one of Bryson DeChambeauâ€s drives. There were policemen bellowing and bawling and shouting and screaming, helicopters and drones buzzing overhead, a couple of fighter jets whizzed by, somewhere in among it all a powerline exploded. You only needed Robert Duvall to turn up muttering about the smell of napalm in the morning.
What we got, instead, was the 47th president of the United States.
Donald Trump and his granddaughter Kai Madison Trump appear before the fervent crowds at Bethpage Black on Friday. Photograph: Mandel Ngan/AFP/Getty Images
By the time Air Force One flew over, you were just beginning to wonder whether Donald Trump might change his mind about coming. The US were trailing 3-1 in the morning foursomes when his plane took off, and by the time he landed Bethpage was so quiet that the European fans were singing about how it felt as if they were in a library. “I heard the team is not doing so well,†Trump said. “So when I heard that, I said, ‘Letâ€s get on the plane.†We have to fly and help them. Weâ€ll get it, weâ€ll get it done one way or the other, weâ€ll get it done.â€
Maybe he could give them some tips about how to do it. The man has won 36 club championships. They just need to pick up a couple of 10-foot putts without asking, then send some of the security men off down the far end of the fairway to kick their own balls out of the rough and toss the oppositionâ€s into the sandtraps.
There were enough of them for the job. You could spot them by the huge letters saying SECRET SERVICE on their chests. They had set up airport-style security around the grandstand at the first tee. No umbrellas, folding chairs, range finders, cigarette lighters or flasks were allowed in. “Iâ€m going to let you take in that apple,†the guard said to the man next to me, “but I need to know that you know that if you throw it, you will go to jail.â€
Trump finally arrived at midday and took his seat behind a thick screen of bulletproof glass set up at the front of the grandstand by the first tee. US captain Keegan Bradley bowed down, JJ Spaun did the Trump dance, Scottie Scheffler pointed and snapped his fingers. When DeChambeau walked out, Trump left his seat and joined him on the tee. There were a few boos, but only by people who were staring at their feet. Everyone else started chanting. The habitual cry of U-S-A! U-S-A! gave way to a chorus of “Don-ald-Trump! Don-ald-Trump!†Beautiful. Everyone loves DJT, the USA are going to win, bigly, and remember, folks, anyone who says otherwise is straight-up lying.
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