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“Most players already come back into pre-season fit,” explains Brophy. “When I first came into football, it was only just starting to come out of the time when players could have the full six weeks off, go on holiday and not worry about how their body looked or how they came back. Then the first two weeks back were spent throwing up and getting fit. Nowadays, most boys come back fit, so you can’t get away with it.”

Laurence Bloom unlocks a new terror of exploding hamstrings (Image credit: Unknown)

This summer, Cambridge players were sent home with GPS monitors to go alongside their personalised off-season plans, to check out their activity. While GPS can provide some indication of any holiday excesses, the results racked up by the modern-day footballer are more likely to raise concerns of a different kind. It’s a very different world from that of their predecessors.

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“We’ve had a lot of issues, not just here but at other clubs too, where some players go off during the off-season doing all sorts of things,” says Bloom. “They’re working with different coaches and trainers, come back for pre-season and pull a hamstring in week one.

“I actually had a player last year who totally snapped his hamstring working with a sprint coach in Manchester. We then had to deal with picking up all his rehab and paying for the surgery, so we monitor a lot more closely what players are doing away from here.

“So the concern isn’t about players coming back in shape, it’s probably more that some of them do too much during the off-season now. Guys on social media all want to be seen to be doing all this training and conditioning work, so that’s more of a problem than them coming back fat or heavy.”

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It’s not just players’ attitudes that have changed. Stories of gruelling pre-season sessions are commonplace from former players on the after-dinner circuit. Some of those rituals were still in place when manager Neil Harris was a footballer. Millwall’s all-time leading goalscorer started his career in Cambridge – albeit with United’s non-league neighbours, City – and experienced some extreme examples in the mid-to-late 90s that wouldn’t fly today.

“In my first summer after signing for Millwall, our first pre-season was over at Greenwich Park, running up and down the hills,” remembers Harris. “You’d run up the hill and your calves were in such a bad state that to get to the bottom, most of us had to go down backwards because they were that sore. But you carried on running.

“Another day, we got back on the minibus, got dropped off halfway back to the training ground and were told, ‘Right, we’ll meet you back there’. We had to run or walk all the way back. “That was what pre-season was, those little mental challenges as well as the physical side of it, which don’t exist now. Sports science is so prevalent that we don’t do things like that any more.”

Pre-seasons may not be feared in quite the same way as in the past, but players still need to dig deep. That has more intangible benefits than simply those that can be pored over in the analysis room after training. “You’re building a culture in the team,” says new signing Dom Ball. “You’re doing all this hard running, you’re blowing and you’re like, ‘Come on boys, we’ve got this together – we’ll be fighting for each other this season, so it starts now’. You want to feel like you’re part of the squad and the culture, that you are part of creating that. It’s setting the standards from the first second.”

And relax… (briefly) (Image credit: Unknown)

Cambridge’s four-year stay in League One ended with relegation to League Two last season. Although they finished nine points adrift of safety, 17 of their 26 league defeats were by a single goal – a factor Brophy says can be affected by a good pre-season.

“There are fine margins in games, so it’s all about training and learning good habits that you bring into a game on a matchday – what you want the team to look like tactically, how you want to behave and what you want to do,” he says. “Once you get into the season, there’s very little time in the week between matches.”

Harris returned for a second stint as boss in February and couldn’t prevent Cambridge from going down. But having a full pre-season to work with his squad, he’s used some of the old-school tricks he learned as a player to help to build a stronger mentality within the group, without ignoring modern methods.

“Sports science is important, but you want to retain that backs-to-the-wall mentality, too,” he reveals. “It’s just the little things, like I used to do a 7am start on the first Saturday of pre-season – although I’ve mellowed in my old age and made it 8am this year! It’s a mental test for the players. In the first week, the first Saturday, we come in because I want to make sure the players get in and no-one’s late.

‘Keep plodding on, don’t give up’ – that’s FFT’s motto today (Image credit: Unknown)

“There are other times when I feel the group might need pushing, so I chuck in a little caveat when they think training is done. I will be like, ‘Right, all in a line, manager’s runs’. I will say, ‘Just keep running until I say stop’. That’s nothing to do with fitness; that’s purely just me giving them that little test again.”

With promises that there will be no curveballs for us today, it’s time for FFT’s own training session. Kitted out in the amber and black stripes of Cambridge’s home strip and some running trainers from club sponsor Brooks, we’re joined by five more non-players who have also volunteered to see if they can survive a pre-season session.

Mental and physical exertions (Image credit: Unknown)

By this point, the trepidation we’re feeling inside is reaching new levels. Walking across the spongy grass to the pristine, green pitch on the far side of the training ground was dragging out the anticipation, as well as using up valuable energy. Forlornly looking for hiding places isn’t going to stop the inevitable from happening now. “These are drills we have worked on with the players during pre-season,” Bloom reminds us.

“I USED TO DO A 7AM START FOR PRE-SEASON. BUT I’VE MELLOWED IN MY OLD AGE AND MADE IT 8AM NOW”

“You’re not used to sprinting at full pace, so we won’t make you do anything like that because we don’t want your hamstrings to explode.” If those words were supposed to be reassuring, they weren’t. Instead, they only served to unlock a brand-new fear. Hamstring and muscle injuries are a big concern for the pros too, though.

While the average distance of 10 to 12 kilometres that a player covers across 90 minutes does not seem all that frightening, it’s made up of a series of short, sharp sprints and sudden direction changes, making pulling up one of the most common reasons for a visit to the physio room.

Waking up underused limbs (Image credit: Unknown)

To help with that, Bloom’s sessions prepare players without putting their bodies under too much duress, with exercises tailored to avoid training ground injuries, while also building strength, power, speed and endurance.

Today, that means beginning with a warm-up run around the pitch, before lining up his six amateurs to take part in a series of exercises designed to wake up even the oldest and most underused limbs. A combination of short runs with abrupt stops, dynamic stretches and moves may not seem too heavy in isolation, but as they roll one after another, the strain starts to show.

So, have FFT made the first XI? (Image credit: Unknown)

During a set of lunges that requires as much mental focus to coordinate a stride forward with lifting our arms above our head, than any physical exertion, a ball of discomfort forms in the back of FFT’s left leg.

An errant touch of the hamstring is spotted by Bloom. “You can stop if you’re struggling,” he shouts. But failure isn’t an option we’re willing to consider, so we keep going, grit our teeth and imagine that we’re starring in our own Rocky montage. The final challenge is the hardest. It’s made up of a series of interval runs of increasing distances, setting timed targets to complete shuttles from one line to another. Short gaps are given after each run to rest before an extra shuttle is then added to the distance, gradually ramping up the intensity to test us mentally and physically.

With three consecutive sets to finish, it’s not for the faint-hearted. With the wear and tear already being felt, FFT needs a strategy to make it to the end. Trying to keep up with the fastest in the group is a surefire way for us to end up in a crumpled heap on the floor, so setting a steady pace in touch with the back is the best bet for completion. As Bloom frequently shouts words of encouragement, our plan commences strongly, but as the sets continue, the gap between the front and the back begins to widen.

The younger, fitter members of the group are keeping up with the time, whereas we’re slipping further back with each shuttle. Don’t stop. Keep plodding on. Don’t give up. Just as it begins to looks as though we’ll be cut off, however, something happens among the leaders.

‘Can you hold this? I need a lie down’ (Image credit: Unknown)

One of them stumbles and suddenly drops back, gasping for air and slowing significantly. They collapse over the line, mere steps ahead of us. Having gone out too quickly, they’re too worn out for the next set.

Then, a couple more shuttles later, the same thing happens again. Another one of the group falters and drops out, with FourFourTwo passing by a second fallen adversary. It’s like a reimagining of the fabled tale of the tortoise and the hare as the finish line looms. We maintain our pace, desperate to ignore the aches and pains to be part of every set.

New signing Kell Watts is among those chatting to the media (Image credit: Unknown)

Slow and steady may not have won the race – or got us anywhere near the standards that are set by professional footballers – but it has helped us avoid humiliation. A sentiment not wasted on the man everyone who pulls on a Cambridge shirt wants to impress. “You kept going. You were one-paced, but you kept going,” says Harris in a tone usually reserved for building up his players.

“I was looking and going, ‘He’s got the right idea, chugging along at the back, happy as Larry’, whereas you could see some of the others pushing each other trying to look the best.”

So, has that smart thinking done enough to earn an unlikely first pro deal at the age of 37? “You’ll be in the vets with me,” laughs Bloom as we leave. That’s probably a no, then. But while we weren’t exactly exceptional, there’s no taking away the badge of honour we’ve earned. FFT survived pre-season. Well, kind of.